Funny car jokes and one-liners sent in by Alan Turnham

Here are a selection of strange but true stories from people filling in their insurance claims.

• To avoid a collision I ran into the other car.
• A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
• I thought the side window was down but it was up, as I found when I put my head through it.
• If the other driver had stopped a few yards behind himself the accident would not have happened.
• She suddenly saw me, lost her head and we met.
• Cow wandered into my car. I was afterwards informed that the cow was half-witted.
• Three women were talking to each other and when two stepped back and one stepped forward I had to have an accident.
• There were plenty of lookers-on but no witnesses.
• A bull was standing near and a fly must have tickled him because he gored my car.